The Private Scoreboard

[00:00:00] Welcome back to Business Finance and Soul. I am so thankful that you're here. Today is a solo podcast and I'm calling this one the Private Scoreboard because I've been thinking a lot lately about achievement and not just the accomplishment in the traditional sense, right? Money, business, career recognition, but more in the way of how we actually measure whether we're doing well in life.

[00:00:26] I'm not sure if this is something that you faced. I've definitely faced it of where I feel like I'm playing a really good game, right? I have built a great family. I have a great company. I built a good friend group and financially I put myself in a fantastic position.

[00:00:48] I made a lot of sacrifices to get here and I privately celebrate where I'm at. It's what fuels me. It's the thing that gets me up in the morning of where I look at really my achievements and I go, you know what?

[00:01:11] I've worked hard to get here and I want to feel that intrinsic value and excitement. It's hard in this world today because we have so much social media. You know, my job is centered around social media on the professional side with LinkedIn.

[00:01:28] You know, my job is centered around social media. It complicates things in life. So I know we live in a world where almost everything can become public.

[00:01:57] You know, we go on a great vacation. You post it. You get promoted. You post it. Our kid accomplishes something. We post it. And I think that there's this almost instinctual behavior to share when we buy something or building something or finishing something. It goes with the territory. There's nothing inherently wrong about that. You know, we all like recognition.

[00:02:27] It feels good. To say, hey, I feel like I'm doing well, but let me put it out there and share what's going on. And I don't think we're actually thinking I need the accolades. I don't know if that's what goes through our mind. Some people, absolutely. Some people, it's a business. So, of course, everything is measured and, you know, monetized. But in your life, you want to share the things that are going well.

[00:02:56] You want to show that you're playing the game in the right way. And we all like that recognition. We all like being congratulated, right? If you say that you don't, you're lying to yourself. You do. Now, how much is debatable? But you like it. We all like that feeling of, you know, that person or somebody that sees us and they can see what we're doing.

[00:03:24] And they go, you know what? Keep going. That's amazing. But I think there's a danger when being seen becomes part of the achievement itself. When something doesn't feel quite as meaningful unless somebody else notices it. And that's what got me thinking about what I would call private scoreboard. Because I believe your private scoreboard is the way that you measure your life when nobody else is watching.

[00:03:55] It's the score that doesn't show up on LinkedIn. It doesn't show up on Insta. Nobody gives you award for it. There's no title attached to it. And maybe not even one single person outside of yourself knows that it happened. Whatever it is. And that's the thing. You know. But the world doesn't know.

[00:04:23] I know that there's some, you know, amazing philanthropists over the years that have given massively anonymously. Now there's two different schools of thought there. But that's a scoreboard moment. Right? Now I don't think everybody should give anonymously. I think sometimes, you know, when you give, it's great to share that because it motivates other people to give. It creates movements.

[00:04:52] And you go, well, if my friend did it, I would like to do it. And you can gain momentum that way. So there's different reasons for different activities. But scoreboard moment, private scoreboard moments, that's an example. And I think achievements that matter the most in life are the ones that only you know.

[00:05:19] And I think that there becomes a point in life where you have to decide what your pillars are. You know, what are the things that make you feel like you're living that life of value? Maybe it is your marriage. Maybe it's your relationship with your kids. Maybe it's your health. Or your friendships. Or your business. Or financial independence. Or maybe it's spirituality.

[00:05:50] Adventure or learning. And you know what? Maybe it's simply becoming someone you respect. Someone that you look in the mirror and you just are proud to be you.

[00:06:07] And I think the interesting thing about most of those pillars is that the work that goes into developing great habits, great outcomes, that happens quietly. That happens in the day in, day out, when nobody's looking. Nobody's seeing the effort that's put in.

[00:06:31] I know that Kobe Bryant famously worked out before anyone. Early in the morning. I've heard, you know, 4 or 5 a.m. You know, shooting hoops when nobody else is at the gym. And that is where his excellence came from. Now, we saw the championships and all the all-star games and all the fanfare.

[00:06:58] But the work to achieve the major pillar of being one of the greatest of all time, that happens quietly. And that's something that in our own life, we have to work backwards. We have to create those pillars of what we're proud of. And then we have to look at how we attain those day in, day out when no one else is giving us a pat on the back for doing it.

[00:07:28] Because nobody sees the conversation that you had with your spouse where you chose patience instead of being right. That's a big one. And nobody high-fives you when you do that type of work on a relationship. But people just see that you've been in a great relationship.

[00:07:53] And they say, God, I love that you two are together. You guys make a great couple. I know that's happened for me and my wife over the years. But what that same person hasn't seen is the tremendous amount of sacrifices that I've had to make or my wife has had to make in terms of communication and our own personal agendas in order to make a long-term relationship work.

[00:08:21] I think the same is true when you get up in the morning and you go to the gym and you're working hard, but it's still dark out. Nobody sees the decision that you made in business that cost you money, but it allowed you to sleep well at night. Or being there for your kid when it could have been easier to be somewhere else. I've had those personal experiences.

[00:08:53] Nobody sees you making responsible financial decisions instead of exciting ones. That's a big one. For financial independence, there's been so many times of where I have said, oh my God, this would be the best to do. But guess what? This boring choice is going to be the one that I go with. Because it's going to take me closer to my goal.

[00:09:21] And I think when you look at your life, this applies in every aspect. It's a tapestry of sacrifices. You know, the times that nobody saw you apologize or forgiving someone or keeping your word. And yet all those moments are constantly shaping the person that you're becoming. That's the private scoreboard.

[00:09:46] I think one of the challenges that we all face today is the public scoreboard is so loud. It's the followers and the likes and the money and the titles and the recognition and awards and the views and the status. I mean, I go through it myself when I put something out there professionally and engagement is low.

[00:10:14] You know, I can see metrics on the back end. But I see engagement isn't really that compelling. And I have to ask myself, you know, am I doing things for myself? Or am I doing them for vanity metrics? You know, do I believe in what I'm doing? Do I like the content that I'm putting out? Am I fired up about that?

[00:10:41] If the answer is yes, then I'm winning when it comes to my own personal scoreboard. If the answer is no and I need the metric to validate my activity, then it's time to reassess. There's nothing wrong with the answer to all of this, by the way. Because none of these things are inherently bad. You know, likes and followers and money and titles and awards and views, all that stuff. They're not bad.

[00:11:11] But they're visible. And because they're visible, they're super easy to compare. And that's where things get kind of dangerous. Because you can start doing extremely well on your private scoreboard and then still feel behind when you look at someone else's public scoreboard. Have you ever caught yourself in that situation where you're feeling good in life? You put something out there.

[00:11:38] It doesn't really get any traction. Nobody really cares. And then you question whether or not you're as valuable as you think you are. That's the difference between private and public scoreboards. You know, you might have a strong marriage and healthy kids, good friends, money, all of that stuff and somehow still feel inadequate because somebody online bought.

[00:12:09] And fill in the blank, a bigger house or took a better vacation or they have more followers. I mean, think about that. More followers? Like, think how strange that is. That that's the world that we live in. Of where you actually get measured your value on how many people clicked to follow you or like you. It's super strange.

[00:12:36] And I'm not saying you reject it because it is part of a digital world, right? There's multiple worlds. There's a physical world we live in and there's a digital world. But I think that you can actually lose appreciation for your own life because you're looking at other people's highlight reels. And I know that's been talked about ad nauseum in terms of, you know, how people show up online and what you're seeing.

[00:13:02] And I don't think that the solution is not necessarily just to stop looking, you know, or, oh, I just have to get off social media. But it's to know what you're looking for in your own life. You need your own personal scoreboard because if you don't build one for yourself, society's absolutely going to build one for you.

[00:13:28] And society's scoreboard is very predictable. It's just going to be more. It's everywhere, right? More money, more status, more attention, more accomplishments, more stuff, more proof. Everyone has fallen victim to that because that is the essence of growth here in America, right?

[00:13:58] It's more. What now? You know, where are you going next? Okay, you accomplished that. Now what? You won a Super Bowl. Can you do it again? You know, that is society's scoreboard. But I'm not convinced that more is always the answer. I think sometimes real achievement is consistency.

[00:14:25] In my life, I've had to look at where I win and more feels empty to me because I've chased that and I've attained whatever the goalpost was for me. I've gotten more. And then guess what? I wanted more from my more. That's the crazy part, right? I said, oh, okay. This is the thing. And once I achieve that, I'm good.

[00:14:51] And then I got the thing and then I needed more. And then now I look at it and I go, no. Oh, consistency is the win. Showing up for my kids. They're getting older, right? I have two teenagers. Showing up for them over the years has given me great meaning.

[00:15:17] Great depth in terms of how I look at my life. Building something slowly. Being reliable. I can be counted on. Having people trust you. Creating stability for my family. Being healthy, right? As I'm getting older, I realize that's a huge win. They say health is wealth, right? That's a huge win. When I'm present.

[00:15:46] And I'm able to actually be in the conversation with whomever I'm speaking with. I went to a wedding this summer and two friends were there that I've known for over four decades. That's a win. Continuing to learn for me is a win.

[00:16:11] Having that insatiable appetite for knowledge. And then having enough humility to recognize where I still need to grow. But all those things, they're super hard to photograph, right? They're very hard to post. I don't even know how to post about it. I get excited because I want to share, you know, what fires me up about consistency.

[00:16:39] But I don't think you get a lot of likes from that stuff. I don't think they generate much attention. And I think often we undervalue that consistency. But think about the people that you respect the most. And I don't think you respect them only because of what they own.

[00:17:03] You probably respect the way that they live, the way they treat people, the way they respond when things are challenging. That's probably a big part of where you go, yeah, that person is impressive. You know, the way somebody takes care of the people that they love and the standards they hold themselves to. Those are the areas that are.

[00:17:33] Well, that's character, right? Character is almost entirely built on a private scoreboard. It's doing the right thing when nobody is watching. And knowing that that's probably the easiest example to understand what kind of person you are. Because if I only do the right thing because other people are going to see me do it, that's not really integrity.

[00:18:05] Integrity is when nobody would ever know. I thought about that the other day when I was walking down the street. It was actually in Boston. And I saw trash and I looked around. There was not a trash can. And I was like, oh, I had this moment of where I'm like, do I pick that up? Now I got to carry that thing. But then I thought about it.

[00:18:29] I go, yeah, but I want the streets where I visit and around where I live. I want those to be nice. So I'm going to do it. So I grabbed it. And a couple blocks down, I found a trash can. And I just felt good in that moment. Nobody saw that. And this is so minor. But it filled my bucket.

[00:18:55] And when you look at your own life and you say, okay, yeah, here's a moment you could take a shortcut. Or you could bend the truth a bit. Or you could avoid responsibility or blame somebody. All of those things can happen. They probably don't feel great after they happen, right? Those moments where there's nobody clapping. It's just you. There's nobody knows.

[00:19:25] And I think that we need to get more comfortable about celebrating those little moments privately. There's something, you know, almost uncomfortable about saying to yourself, I'm proud of the way that I handled that. But why would that be? Why would you be uncomfortable?

[00:19:51] You don't have to walk around telling everybody how wonderful you are. But you should be able to recognize your own growth. You should occasionally look at your life and say, I built this. I worked hard for this. I handled that really well. And I became better at this because I've put in the time. I kept pushing through even though this was super difficult.

[00:20:17] Or I know I showed up for someone whether or not they recognized it. I don't need them to recognize it. I did what I said I was going to do. And I'm proud of the person that I'm becoming. And I'll just tell you that's not ego. That is just the ultimate expression of healthy acknowledgement. Because the truth is there will be plenty of moments in life where nobody gives you the credit

[00:20:44] that you either think you deserve or do genuinely deserve. You know, there's moments in business where someone else gets credit for something that you helped build. There's moments where people have no idea how hard you worked. I know when my wife and I don't see each other for the day and then we get back together and we've done a lot of things, you know, either on the house or chores or, you know,

[00:21:12] you almost want to spit off your personal resume for the day. Like, oh, I did this and this and this. And because you're proud and you want the other person to know that you've been working hard. And that's just it's normal stuff. It's crazy when I think about kids, they they have no we none of us do for our own parents. They have we didn't as kids and my kids do not understand the sacrifices that have been made for them. And they won't.

[00:21:40] Until they're older and even then, will they understand all of it now? Now, is that why I'm doing it? So they one day say, oh, dad, you're amazing for doing this. I wish I really wish that's what they did. But honestly, that's not why I'm doing it. I'm just trying to raise great humans and I'm trying to push the world forward in my own little circle of influence.

[00:22:10] You know, that's the thing. It can be frustrating, but only if your fulfillment depends on getting the credit. But if you live on your private scoreboard, guess what? It still counts because, you know, you did it. You know why you did it. You know, the standard that you held yourself to. And that has to be enough sometimes. The older I get, the more I believe there is a tremendous amount of freedom in that.

[00:22:40] To stop needing every accomplishment to be witnessed. Stop needing everyone to understand your decisions. Stop needing your life to look impressive from the outside. I'm not saying or suggesting that your life shouldn't look impressive from the outside. Or that your accomplishments don't need to be witnessed. That's amazing. And you should use social media the way that you want to use it.

[00:23:09] I just think you need to ask yourself a much harder question. Does my life feel meaningful to me? Am I proud of how I'm living? Am I investing in the things that I say matter? Do the people that I love know that they matter to me? Am I taking care of my health? Am I continuing to grow? Am I being generous? Am I doing work that has meaning for me? And if it doesn't have meaning for you today, that's all right.

[00:23:39] Maybe you're just in a season of where you're sacrificing because it's the means to an end for that moment. And then you'll get back on track to doing the next big meaningful thing. But you better be having some fun. You've got to be, you know, working on becoming someone that your younger self would respect. Because that's the most important person in your life, right? Your younger self. The earlier version of you.

[00:24:08] Would they respect you today? Because those are very different questions what I just went through than how do I compare up? You know? How do I compare to someone else? Doesn't matter. How do you compare to your former self? That's what matters. And maybe that's the shift. You've got to move from comparison to personal alignment.

[00:24:32] You cannot think that happiness is going to come from winning somebody else's game because that game is an infinitely evasive game. There is no win there. There's just attainment for brief moments. It's always going to be elusive. You've got to know what your game is. And then you have to play your game well.

[00:25:03] So your private scoreboard, it doesn't have to look anything like mine. And mine doesn't have to look like yours. That's the beauty of it. Right? That's the whole idea of it. Is that you get to decide what your pillars are. Maybe you have five or ten. And maybe they change as you move through different seasons of your life. But you should define them. Because once you define them, something super interesting is going to happen.

[00:25:28] You're going to begin noticing little wins that you have completely overlooked before. You're going to notice a win was a good conversation with your kid. That's a win. It's going to be taking a walk with your spouse. That's a win. When you saved money instead of spending it on something that wasn't a necessity, that's a win. I went and got a workout in this morning.

[00:25:57] I squeezed it in between two appointments. And that was a win for me. So, all of these little things, whether or not it's reading a few pages in a book, or keeping a level head in an argument, those are all little personal wins. And none of them are going to make the news. They're not going to impress anybody. But if you stack them over years, they become your life.

[00:26:27] That's the tapestry of your life. That's the fabric. And that might be the part that we're forgetting. Because life is not one massive moment. It never has been. It's shaped by thousands of just ordinary decisions, day after day, year after year, quietly. And there's something beautiful in that. Every single person contributes to life. It's the people that don't think that they matter are the ones that are the most depressed.

[00:26:56] They're the ones that says, nobody cares about what I'm doing. But that's the thing. We care about how you show up. And you can't show up in your most authentic self. You can't inspire anyone if you're not proud of all the little things. You know?

[00:27:24] At some point, you have to stop waiting for the world to hand you a trophy. You have to look around at what you've built. You've got to look at the relationships that you've protected and the promises you've kept and the risks that you've taken. The moments that you've survived. A lot of those, if you've lived long enough. The things that you know.

[00:27:50] So build a life that when you're alone with your thoughts, you genuinely value. You have that opportunity at any given time to do it. Create those wins. Create your own pillars. Keep your own scorecard. Okay? What's that scoreboard say at the end of the day?

[00:28:15] And every once in a while, then give yourself permission and say, I'm really, really proud of how I'm showing up. Thanks so much for taking the time. I hope you enjoy listening to my ideas surrounding this part of your life.

[00:28:38] As always, stay curious and please subscribe or like if you're enjoying the content coming out of Business Finance and Soul. Thanks.