When someone is grappling with a genuine identity crisis, it's crucial to seek appropriate help and guidance. But what about those around us—our friends, family, or even ourselves—who are simply undergoing a natural process of change and growth?
The midlife crisis is a familiar concept. Parents who splurge on a two-seater Corvette once the kids move out are often dismissed as reckless. But hold on—maybe they're just embracing a new chapter, harnessing their newfound freedom to propel themselves forward.
And what about the recent college graduate who opts to travel the world after just a couple of years in the workforce? Have they gone off the deep end?
Today, let's explore the idea that maybe there's no crisis at all. Instead, what we're seeing is the evolution of our own or someone else's life story.
[00:00:01] Welcome to Business Finance and Soul. My name is Shaun Enders and I'm a curious entrepreneur.
[00:00:07] I love exploring business, personal finance and consciousness. I'll jump around topics,
[00:00:13] offer my opinions and occasionally interview interesting people. Looking forward to going on this journey. Let's be curious together.
[00:00:29] Welcome back to Business Finance and Soul. I am recording this in Florida. I'm actually out here for
[00:00:37] my daughter's cheer competition. The national tournament is happening at the ESPN Center
[00:00:44] and yeah, it's a really big deal. I'm super excited just to be part of this and have an opportunity
[00:00:52] to come out. Our family, we had some family flew down and met us here and that's been super cool. I'm actually enjoying the Florida heat right now.
[00:01:04] It's been good for my body. So I want to talk today about the term midlife crisis. We've all heard it and in fact there's actually been a new term that's been coined,
[00:01:20] the quarter life crisis. I think that these are funny phrases, these monikers that we put on our lives, our friends' lives, our parents' lives
[00:01:34] and I think that there might be an opportunity to kind of reframe this entire thought process because if you've watched somebody go through a change in their life
[00:01:45] or you yourself have experienced this, you know that it's not a crisis. I think I want to go through a few things today just to maybe expand upon our thought process
[00:01:58] and perhaps we can even draw something from this moment of change from others. We can see what someone's going through or experiencing.
[00:02:07] We can live it out ourselves of where we actually look at a new chapter that we're opening up and we can embrace it rather than kind of going,
[00:02:19] what is wrong with me? Why am I wanting this or why am I changing because I was this one way for so long.
[00:02:29] And so this idea that a quarter life crisis or midlife crisis is something that is real at all is really funny to me.
[00:02:39] It always has been. A lot of things that we do as humans, the way that we interact and how we brand each other is really funny to me.
[00:02:48] It's very humorous. And I think that just because we want to put things into a box, we want to understand something and the quickest way to understand it is to pull a file out
[00:03:01] that we're familiar with, classify something and then say, OK, that makes sense because I've seen this before or I've heard this before.
[00:03:09] And so we have all these phrases and monikers and branding that we do to better understand and contextualize changes.
[00:03:20] And so let's talk about a quarter life crisis or a midlife crisis. Let's reframe this a little bit.
[00:03:30] And because I think this the term crisis carries such a dramatic connotation and it doesn't really capture kind of the nuances of these life phases.
[00:03:41] And if we think for a moment of a midlife crisis, what happens in our minds is we might picture our mom or dad getting a new Corvette or a Porsche as soon as the kids get out of high school
[00:03:59] and move on to college. There's this sudden change, you know, maybe maybe dad grows a goatee where he's he only had a mustache or no facial hair changes his his hair.
[00:04:14] You know, starts working out or mom, you know, starts getting into a new hobby that she was never into.
[00:04:21] And so we're like, what is going on? And that's just really something that highlights the fact that our brains when we when we see change, that it's unfamiliar to us.
[00:04:37] We didn't make the change. It's different. And it can be a little jarring or shocking because we didn't have the opportunity to be part of that discussion.
[00:04:47] We weren't part of the decision making process. And so when that happens, it feels very sudden. And we feel like, hence the word crisis, crisis is happening something is happening because it's happened so quickly.
[00:05:02] I can't believe it. I can't actually come to terms with with what's going on. And if you go just one layer deeper, you might understand that the person experiencing that has actually been planning this for a while.
[00:05:16] You know, if I'm that dad and my kids are going off to college, or just getting out of college, I may or may not have extra money.
[00:05:27] You know, my kids are gone. Let's say they're both out of college and I was helping to pay for things. And now all of a sudden it's me time.
[00:05:35] I get to be selfish and I've been thinking about this for a while. Now, of course, I don't want to tell my kids this I don't want to be like, oh, can't wait until you guys are, you know, really off the top.
[00:05:45] Really off the doll, right? Where I don't have to open up my wallet to you all the time and now I can go spoil myself that it's a little off putting with this.
[00:05:54] Not it's not the way that we would want to frame it certainly not something that we would want to hear for the kids.
[00:06:00] But I would imagine that mom or dad has been thinking about a change for a little bit. They've been hopefully they've been imagining what their life might look like.
[00:06:13] And getting excited about that new chapter, you know, it certainly isn't a crisis should be far from it. It should be a new beginning for their new reality.
[00:06:23] And I think that I think that if you're not prepared for those changes, if you're not thinking of new hobbies, new social circles or expanding your social circle,
[00:06:36] or maybe even exploring, you know, a new career or personal growth. If you're not thinking of any of those things at key pivotal points in your life, right, which is maybe in the middle of your life, I find that's a big one, because freedom starts to emerge.
[00:06:57] You know, you started to you start to finally maybe it's 45. You know, maybe it's 50. But you start to get a picture of reality financially. You start to go, you know, and I've been saving a long time.
[00:07:10] I'm actually in a good position. What are the things that I I actually want to change? Oh, you know, I always want to take up this hobby.
[00:07:20] You start thinking about things differently, because time becomes a very, very finite commodity.
[00:07:34] At least your perception of it. You start going, I don't have all the years right like so fun 50.
[00:07:41] It's probably not middle life. I might live until I'm 100. But guess what? I'm probably not going to go play singles tennis after I'm 65 chances are so I better get on that now.
[00:07:57] Right. I probably not going to want to drive the new Corvette when I'm 85 or 90, I'm probably not going to want to so let me let me jump into the things that I'm probably not going to be able to do down the road.
[00:08:16] And so that's exciting. That's a new chapter. And I think the middle life change and evolution is super exciting because clarity starts to become front and center of how you engage in life.
[00:08:34] You get real clear on what's important. You get real clear, or you should, you have an opportunity to you get real clear on how you want to step in to this next phase of your life. And that's super exciting.
[00:08:50] Now the quarter life crisis is really interesting because it isn't a crisis either. It is something where you have been on probably an educational treadmill for your entire life.
[00:09:05] And you're just emerging out of this you just did a few years ago and you got a job and you are making your own money and you're paying rent and, you know, maybe you're thinking about getting married.
[00:09:17] Maybe you're thinking about buying a house or starting a business, whatever it is. There's a lot of the supposed tos right? You're supposed to do this and then supposed to do that and supposed to do this.
[00:09:29] And so you're now getting to a point of where you have a minute to go, OK, wait a second here. I'm about to jump into this next phase of my life where all this preparation meets opportunity.
[00:09:42] And I better make sure that I'm going down the path that I really want to. This isn't a crisis at all. This is a moment of reflection. This is super exciting.
[00:09:54] And if you're not doing this, you will find yourself on the treadmill of life, you know, waking up one day and experiencing a crisis because you you're not taking inventory.
[00:10:06] You're not really following maybe your own barometer of success or establishing it.
[00:10:15] You know, you are potentially falling victim to societal expectations and that can lead that can that can lead your life in directions that are really, really detrimental and unfortunate.
[00:10:32] And some people never get out that treadmill. And so, yeah, you should take stock. You should have that moment of reflection before you jump into the next chapter in life and say, OK, I've built up this resume thus far.
[00:10:48] Where is this going to take me? Am I happy with what I'm about to embark upon? And you'll never know the answer, but you will will have checked in with yourself.
[00:10:59] And you'll have that change and added adaptation mindset of where you say, hey, listen, change is inevitable.
[00:11:09] And I want to adapt to the new reality that I'm about to go into.
[00:11:14] I want to be flexible and I want to know that's a strength.
[00:11:18] And I want to know that it's OK to pivot in life. These are my rules. This is my life.
[00:11:24] This is an opportunity that I'm going to take advantage of.
[00:11:29] And I think that that is what makes this discussion so freeing is because the way we've been framing it makes getting to these milestones worrisome in some cases, bizarre.
[00:11:46] We may or may not agree with how people are checking in with themselves or what they're doing or how they're living this next stage of their life.
[00:11:54] I can't believe it. My mom, you know, is doing this.
[00:11:59] Oh, my dad is doing this. That's crazy. Yeah, that for you.
[00:12:04] For you, that's crazy because you haven't been part of the decision making process.
[00:12:10] You're out of that that either frame or space in their mind or maybe you have a great relationship with your parents and they've discussed that next stage.
[00:12:21] Hey, we were going to do this. This is such a cool chapter for us in that case.
[00:12:25] I don't think that you'd call it a crisis at all. You'd probably support, you know, what your what your parents are doing.
[00:12:31] And if you have kids and they decide to take a hard left turn at 25 years old and you're not aware of it, it's going to seem potentially disastrous.
[00:12:45] But if you are aware of it and you have a good relationship, you open up that dialogue.
[00:12:49] Mom, dad, I'm going to travel the world. I'm 25.
[00:12:53] I'm taking one year and I'm going to visit 15 countries.
[00:12:59] And I have no plan but I've saved up enough money in these last three years from college.
[00:13:06] And this is what I want to do.
[00:13:09] And I want to just check in with myself. I want to see where this next chapter is going to take me.
[00:13:13] If you are parents and you have a child at that age that has discussed this ahead of time, no crisis.
[00:13:27] It's all context, right? It's all perception.
[00:13:33] It's if you understand it and you can jump into their perception, you can really embrace this idea.
[00:13:44] No crisis, opportunity, excitement, and vice versa with kids that see it from family and also friends on friends.
[00:13:54] If you're still working, grinding, haven't thought of anything in terms of what your next chapter is and you see a buddy of yours.
[00:14:03] Start doing things that are a little abnormal to you.
[00:14:07] They're traveling again.
[00:14:09] That's interesting.
[00:14:12] You might want to just find out what's going on in this chapter of their life, how exciting.
[00:14:17] This is amazing because it might be off brand to you and that can be concerning.
[00:14:27] People have spent a lifetime building a personal brand.
[00:14:32] They are one way or at least that's the way that you've perceived them.
[00:14:37] And so doing something different is jarring.
[00:14:44] It can be for friends.
[00:14:45] And so I think when we take a step back and we reframe the word, crisis, we start getting more excited about what the next stage in our life is.
[00:14:59] If you are 20 and you're listening to this, get excited about checking in with yourself after you get through the supposed is right?
[00:15:06] Supposed to go to college, supposed to get that first job, get those things out of the way and then check in with yourself.
[00:15:13] If you're 40 right now and you haven't gotten to that next stage where you can start to see around the corner, get excited about this.
[00:15:21] There'll be no crisis ahead.
[00:15:23] There's a new chapter for you to open.
[00:15:26] You're seeing a friend go through something or they're about to embark upon a new point in their life.
[00:15:34] Embrace it.
[00:15:35] Bring up the conversation.
[00:15:37] What do things look like for them?
[00:15:39] Now that their kids are exiting college, maybe are they drawing closer with their spouse in terms of doing new hobbies together?
[00:15:49] Expanding the way that they see the world.
[00:15:53] Whether it's through travel or giving back whatever extracurricular activities that they partake in.
[00:16:01] Are they going to draw closer together or not?
[00:16:05] But these are opportunities to talk.
[00:16:08] And I think this is the whole point.
[00:16:11] This is why I love this podcast because it's just really that beacon for me of where I remember these things.
[00:16:18] And I think I look at my own life, I look at my friends and family's lives and I go, this is cool.
[00:16:24] I love and need to embrace change always.
[00:16:28] And it's important to have stories of people who have successfully navigated these phases.
[00:16:33] I have a buddy of mine who retired.
[00:16:36] If he listens to this podcast, he'll know who he is.
[00:16:38] I don't want to call him out, but he retired from military.
[00:16:42] I've always had a lot of respect for him because he has lived a really fun life of his adventure.
[00:16:48] I have enjoyed riding motorcycles with him.
[00:16:51] He's traveled the world through military and lived in different parts of the world.
[00:16:56] And you know what?
[00:16:58] When he retired, he equipped himself.
[00:17:02] With a new boat.
[00:17:04] He lives on a lake.
[00:17:06] He's got a couple sports cars.
[00:17:08] He financially is in a really good place, always been really smart financially.
[00:17:14] And I knew what he was doing.
[00:17:17] He was having fun.
[00:17:19] He's always had fun, but he has time now on his hands.
[00:17:23] He wants to enjoy the days.
[00:17:26] And I look at it and I go, that's living right there.
[00:17:29] You know, he's looked at this next chapter in his life and he's leaned into it.
[00:17:33] And he's going to have a great time.
[00:17:35] If I didn't have a healthy relationship with understanding the way chapters unfold
[00:17:40] and the excitement and the layers of life,
[00:17:45] I could look at that and go, oh, geez, how irresponsible.
[00:17:49] He's been so steady.
[00:17:51] He's now what racing race cars?
[00:17:55] He's got a sports boat.
[00:17:57] This is very out of character.
[00:18:00] Well, I'd be completely misguided and incorrect.
[00:18:05] And fortunately that's not me, but I do know that there's others out there
[00:18:10] that look at change like that in someone and get really worried.
[00:18:16] Now, of course, if somebody goes off the rails
[00:18:19] and they weren't somebody who, you know, enjoyed, you know,
[00:18:25] going out for a cocktail every once in a while and now they're retired
[00:18:28] and that's all they do every single day
[00:18:30] and life is starting to go backwards for them.
[00:18:33] Okay, yeah, maybe that's a crisis.
[00:18:35] That's not what I'm referring to.
[00:18:37] And we're not talking about interventions.
[00:18:39] We're talking about healthy, healthy ascension in life.
[00:18:44] So that's where I wanted to be today.
[00:18:47] I wanted to talk about these milestones in our lives.
[00:18:51] I think that there's a lot of pressure out there
[00:18:53] for personal brand protection, societal expectations.
[00:18:58] I want to give you permission if you needed it at all
[00:19:01] to really evolve.
[00:19:05] Take the chapters in your life that are coming at you
[00:19:09] and given to you and take full advantage of them
[00:19:12] because once they're gone, they're gone
[00:19:15] and I want you to have a great time
[00:19:17] and celebrate your life to the fullest.
[00:19:19] So until next time, stay curious, keep enjoying life
[00:19:23] and put an arm around your loved ones.
[00:19:26] Talk soon.