Creating Your Vision and 25 Years In My Relationship

[00:00:01] Welcome to Business Finance and Soul. My name is Shaun Enders, and I'm a Curious Entrepreneur. I love exploring business, personal finance and consciousness. I'll jump around topics, offer my opinions, and occasionally interviewing interesting people. Looking forward to going on this journey. Let's be curious together.

[00:00:21] Welcome back to Business Finance and Soul. Thank you so much for joining us. Share something with you. Today marks 25 Years In A Relationship With My wife, 17 Years Of That Has Been Married, and that's a big thing that I'm proud of.

[00:00:44] I want to go into that today. I want to talk about what we've done in that time. And I want to really, you know, our personal relationships to our business relationship. So that's what I'm going to tackle today because 25 Years In A Relationship, 17 Years Married, Two Kids,

[00:01:01] Home, Living San Diego, Business That's Been Built, a Cat in a Dog, and I am reflecting on my life where I've come from. What we built together, and I feel really good about what I've accomplished.

[00:01:20] But it's a winding road. You know, it's filled with moments of shurdy, and it's filled with moments of insecurity. This is the human experience. And so I know that you can relate wherever you are, what you've experienced,

[00:01:35] what you're going through. There are times when you're killing it and everything lines up. And there are times where it doesn't. And I want you to remember that life is just a constant snapshot of time.

[00:01:51] You know, reality is based on really luck and preparation from your previous self. Sometimes we are crushing it based on two of those things lining up where you have that luck on your side. You seem to fall to one side or the other that favors you.

[00:02:14] And we're also prepared for the moment. So you had done the work, and you haven't opportunity to shine. Your preparation does show up in the right moment. So those two things really propel you.

[00:02:30] On the other side of it is sometimes luck isn't on your side, and you didn't make the best decision. And so your reality that you're living in is factored into that of where now you kind of are out of luck.

[00:02:47] You also didn't prepare or you made some decisions on where you're now in a reality that you're not super excited about. But I think that's what I love about life is because it is a constant snapshot of moments in time. There's always something moving on the real.

[00:03:09] That can be a little daunting to think about. I'm not going to dig to deep into that right now, but I want you to think about how these two coincide in. You know what I'm realizing is that relationships both personal and business.

[00:03:24] You know, the required revision for that reality to take shape. You know, at least you've got to have some kind of idea of what you know you want the future to look like.

[00:03:38] And so I want to explore that a little bit because how things turn up in your future snapshot. How things turn up in your relationship down the road. How things got here after 25 years together.

[00:03:52] It would they're not by accident. A lot of it was preparation and conversation and, you know, detail communication. And it requires a reset to know what our next 25 might look like.

[00:04:05] And I think that's very exciting, but it's daunting because life is just moving those snapshots that real doesn't slow down. And so without that intentionality, without that knowing that the real is moving regardless you can arrive somewhere that you didn't expect.

[00:04:27] That you didn't plan for. Maybe you don't even want. And so, you know, in a personal relationship, you've got to have that vision. Each of you commit to the other with the idea that together the future will be brighter.

[00:04:47] At least better in brighter than it was had you stayed on your road. And that's, that's special to me. Sometimes your partner tells you their vision, their life goals, their aspirations. And, and you believe you should at least when you're in a new relationship.

[00:05:12] You believe that it's going to work out in a certain way. And if they don't share that with you, you might have your own idea of what the future together might look like.

[00:05:26] But either way, you are certainly dreaming of what a reality future reality together might look like. And I think that that is why this is so important.

[00:05:42] It's why it's so important to know what a reality or a future vision might look like for your partner and for yourself. And you share that together and you talk about, you know, hey, here's who I want to be.

[00:05:55] And your partner says, hey, here's who I want to be. And you're either inspired by that. And you work together or you're not. And, and that's where the communication comes in. For employees who are realizing how important vision is too.

[00:06:13] I think a lot of times we talk about vision and what a company's vision is or a mission statement or all these things that happens a lot in business.

[00:06:22] In personal relationship, it's kind of defaults, you know, you at one point you dream about a house and kids and, you know, Successful career and all of that stuff.

[00:06:33] But beyond that, when those things have been attained or when you need to adjust, you know, where do you go with that? And so that is this conversation, that is why we're talking about this because I think for employees for personal relationships.

[00:06:52] These are, this is an extremely important exercise. So, you know, for employees vision is important beyond just checking the box of saying, hey, here's what our company believes in.

[00:07:09] You know, what I'm realizing is it's my job as a leader, particularly what a future reality might look like for the company and myself within that company. And if my employees like that vision, they move forward with me.

[00:07:28] If they don't like that vision, they leave for something else. Either a vision of their own or someone else's vision, some other company's vision. But either way, I've got to establish some sort of reality that we're moving toward.

[00:07:54] You know, otherwise we're going to buy default like I mentioned, we're going to create that reality together when we may not like it. You know, because we weren't intentional, we didn't know where we were going.

[00:08:04] But either way talking about a future is imperative in relationships, you know, in my personal relationship, I've got to say I've been great at this. You know, perhaps sometimes I even overcommunicated, but recently I realized that I haven't been creating that vision, that updated vision within my company.

[00:08:23] After 19 years, the company has moved both up and down. You know, there's definitely no straight line to success. We've accomplished so many things. And although internally I know what I'm working on or what the next chapter might look like,

[00:08:42] I've been kind of slow to paint that picture for my staff. And then you know, I can say that's probably because when you go through a new chapter in an organization, you know, as you evolve,

[00:08:59] Yeah, you're a little bit hesitant to say, OK, this is who we are now. This is what we're going toward. But make no mistake. People need to know what it is that they're working towards. What kind of future are they going to be part of?

[00:09:14] And if they don't know, they may not ask. They may not actually say, you know, hey, this is important to me. But at a long level for for us as humans, we want to know. And so that's where employees leave because you didn't share your reality.

[00:09:33] You didn't share what the vision was of what you're moving towards. Or that's where people start, stop giving it. They're all that you start checking out because they don't really know why they're showing up.

[00:09:44] Other than, you know, it's a job that they've committed to and they don't hate it. But they're not super pumped. And so if you want the best teammates and the best staff, if you want the best personal relationship, You've got to get good at dreaming.

[00:10:04] It's so hot, right? You know, you think you've got to be good at managing and you've got to get good at one on one's and communication and all that. But what but that the core at the essence of it, you've got to have a dream.

[00:10:18] You've got to have something that says, this is what I want for you. This is what I want for me. What do you think? And in any relationship, people are going to get behind that. And the ones that don't because you're being honest with yourself, don't move on.

[00:10:33] Don't be falling. You know, even in your personal relationship, if you have a vision of something and you dream of it and it's what you want and your partner doesn't want that.

[00:10:46] It's better to know that is better to talk about it than to have resentment or to sacrifice yourself. It's really better to communicate that, but it takes kind of starting with that dream. It starts with you being able to say this is the future I want, legit.

[00:11:07] Doesn't mean it's a fixed future. There isn't a such thing, but it's something I want to go towards. You know, when you create a future reality, it's one thing and you never know how things are going to turn out.

[00:11:20] But I know that I have to start talking about what my ideal reality could look like. And as my team gets on board with that vision, the thought process is to see if there's buy-in.

[00:11:40] And so as I mentioned, it's better if people aren't bought in but I'll be true to that vision. I'll hire new employees that want to be on that mission. They want to go on that journey with me and the ones that are pumped. That's fun.

[00:12:01] Or maybe you're even reshaping the vision together. Maybe you say this is what I want. They said, well, you know, I've ever thought about this. Oh, gosh, I'm glad that you shared that. Let's shape that vision together. But it all starts with having that dream, having that vision.

[00:12:15] I had lost that for a little bit. I'm working with a new mentor and, you know, I think sometimes when you're in a stage of where you're trying to create that next iteration of yourself and somebody says, you know, hey, what's your vision?

[00:12:32] I'm like, oh, don't really have to kind of go through that. And then you realize the importance of that exercise in life and you realize that you're doing it either way. You realize that the future is coming regardless.

[00:12:47] And either it's going to shape itself or you're going to help shape it. But either way it's showing up if you're alive your future is showing up.

[00:12:57] So what do you want? Do you want things to just unfold and then you'll see how to field these ground balls that are being hit at you or do you want to say, well,

[00:13:09] I'm going to say yes to that note of that because it doesn't fit within my nor star. And we're going to get to that. You know, it doesn't fit within the future or the vision that I want. So no on that opportunity, yes, on that opportunity.

[00:13:25] You know, that's why I thought this was worth talking about. You know, it's it's time with your employees or your personal relationship to dig in here and maybe not start with 10 years. Maybe start with the next 12 months up to maybe three years.

[00:13:44] How would you like to see things unfold? And then is your dream shared. You know, if if because if you're spouse or your partner shares in your dream that journey is going to have so much less friction.

[00:13:58] It's going to be so much more enjoyable because you're working together. I mean this is going to be something as simple as where you want to live.

[00:14:05] You know, you could say, I really see myself living like this at a friend the other day telling me that he's working on his legacy. He would love to live on a small farm. Not a working farm, but more like, you know, goats and chickens.

[00:14:22] This is, you know, not foreign to him, but this is something that excites him. Guess what if his partner doesn't believe in that there's going to be friction. But it's better for him to share that. Right? It's better for him to articulate that dream.

[00:14:39] And if your partner has that same vision. The same way as your employees, if they're on that same path. It's not frictionless. Nothing is. But it's going to have less friction. It's going to be so much more enjoyable because you're working together in unison.

[00:14:59] You're synchronized and creating that reality. And there's so much more power in creating that reality together. That momentum happens so much faster. And I've always envied people who create a vision quickly and get everybody on board and go toward it.

[00:15:19] And I've probably have had that, like I said, life is just a constant, you know, snapshots. It's just moments in time. So there's been times where I've probably been laser focused like that. And things have really worked out.

[00:15:38] And then there's been other times where maybe I fell a little austin and undecided. And I can see that show up in my results. I can see that maybe I'm a little bit aimless. And that's okay. That's okay.

[00:15:50] But I learned something from it that big results don't happen during those moments. So you've got to look at that in your own life, in your personal relationship, and in your business relationships. If you're in that time where you're a little bit aimless,

[00:16:05] probably you're not going to get the big results. So don't be too learn on yourself. But if you want big results, it starts with this. And then it gets the, you need to get the buy-in.

[00:16:15] You need to get the buy-in from your partner and you need to get the buy-in from your employees to know that you, you all are working towards that same goal. You know, for me 25 years together in a relationship, you know, I've viewed as an accomplishment.

[00:16:34] Because we didn't get here by accident. You know, if you were to ask me my secret, I would say that we're here from my perspective because I created a North Star for myself in this space. Right now I can't speak for my partner and my wife.

[00:16:55] But for me, I show up in a certain way because of the value I put on this relationship. I see it as an accomplishment. Each year that goes by, see that as something we're celebrating. This not accidental that it is intentional.

[00:17:15] You know, like, create value and pride around the idea of being in a long-term relationship. And if you see something as valuable in your life, and I do, I see my personal relationship more valuable than any financial portfolio on. So I work at it.

[00:17:36] You know, just like your job, if you found a lot of pride in your promotions or your title, you'd probably show up every single day doing something to make sure that you've got to that space that made you feel proud of the effort that you put in.

[00:17:52] And that's how I feel about my relationship. So it's not my accident. You know, I have days or years where I didn't maybe show up the way that I wish I could have, or I wasn't perceived in the way that I wanted to be perceived.

[00:18:07] So I know that I need to ask for feedback. I want to hear where I can improve and I want to try to move in the right direction because I see so much value in this relationship. I get a lot of pride from that.

[00:18:23] So it's a really, it's a 360 opportunity and it's the same thing in business. If you see as having solid partners, good long-term employees, as valuable for you, you're going to do the same thing. You're going to show up and ask for feedback.

[00:18:41] I've had moments where I hadn't done that. I've just been on an agenda. And, you know, sometimes it works out for a little bit, but in the long run, it won't. People can't get on board with that. They can't drive. They can't bond with you in that way.

[00:18:57] So as I mentioned, creating a North Star for me, you know, is this being prideful and being in a long-term relationship as an accomplishment that North Star is so helpful? And if you do that in all areas of your life, I think it makes making decisions easier.

[00:19:14] You know, like a North Star and my personal relationship got it. With my kids, my North Star is spending time with them and getting engaged in their world. I know that all the money in the world will create,

[00:19:25] you know, opportunities and, you know, options and things like that. But at the end of the day, kids just want your time. They want to know that you listen to them and they want to know that you cared and that you're part of their world.

[00:19:41] That's my North Star. You know, for my employees, it's my job to make sure that they know why, while we're together, I want to lift them higher. You know, beyond that, I'm not sure what I can control, but I know one thing.

[00:19:56] If you work with me in our profession, I will aim to make you better at your craft. I will listen to them and I will try to lift them up, to level and I believe I can get them there. And that becomes my North Star.

[00:20:12] But if I don't share that on a regular basis, if I'm not consistently showing up, then, you know, they're not going to know that North Star exists. They're not going to know that that's important. And so they may or may not stay with me. In my personal final,

[00:20:28] this financial freedom is my North Star. Super simple. All these to sit, you know, you're North Star creates then this opportunity for you to make decisions pretty easy. You know, if it falls in line with your North Star, great, you're going to do it.

[00:20:42] If not, that's so much. So this 25 years, my marriage has taught me so much. Patience, selflessness, abundance. You know, how a love and love is, and I'm not sure if you can get it, but I'm not sure if you can get it, selflessness, abundance, you know,

[00:20:57] how love unconditionally. And it's surely helped me become a better leader and a better man. And you know, over the next 25 years, I aim to grow further. You know, recently, I learned in business, and I've known this, but you're always, I think, re-learning in a different way.

[00:21:21] Everything kind of holds a different. Has a different contextual significance throughout time. But recently, I learned that no matter what the outcome is, you know, whether an employee leaves you and a client says, I'm going with somebody else, or something just in general doesn't go your way.

[00:21:39] If you have a vision of who you want to become, you know, what kind of leader you want to be, what kind of business you want to be part of, care of that vision. And you share that with all the ones around you.

[00:21:58] Anything else that unfolds will simply be part of the story, but you're not going to be confused or you're not going to be upset because you'll know that you're staying true to yourself. You have a plan and you're taking the steps each day to make a reality

[00:22:15] that you can be proud of. And so that's the idea of today. It's creating that in our starts, looking at your relationships, whether you're in a new relationship or an older relationship this applies to everything. If you're with your employees, talk about what your vision is,

[00:22:34] talk about the future that you want. Don't accidentally get there because guess what? They may not be bought it. Then you might be need deep into a relationship that you wish you would have just shared who you wanted to become. You know, you wish you would have said,

[00:22:51] gosh, I want four kids sitting at a big table with two acres of land and your partner says, I want to know kids living in the city and eating out every night. Totally different relationship or realities and that relationship for all

[00:23:11] of the police is going to go through some stress. It doesn't mean that it can't work, but what I'm saying is it's definitely not going to be friction less. It is going to be filled with, with tension until things get resolved. Same thing with employees.

[00:23:27] We want to grow to the moon. We want to take this company public. We want to, you know, make everybody hear millionaires, but it's going to require 60, to 80 hour weeks every week. And guess what? Your new employees, like I wish I would have known that

[00:23:45] because I'm not interested in that. I don't, I don't need to go make all that money and I'm certainly not here because I want to work 60, 80 hours a week. Who's right in that instance? Who's right for living in the city or in the acreage? Nobody is right.

[00:24:02] It's just a vision. It's just a reality that they both would like. And so you got to talk about it. And so I, I wish you good luck in these conversations. And if you don't have a vision or you don't know how your future

[00:24:18] should or how it could unfold, take some time, dream about that. Think about it and then share it. And see if you can find some good partners along with the way because they'll propel you. And it's going to make the journey a lot more fun. All right.

[00:24:36] Until next time, I hope you enjoy. I am going to leave and go celebrate I 25 years. I was able to slip away here for 30 minutes and have a beginning of my day and get this out for you. So hopefully it impacts you or whoever needs to hear this

[00:24:54] here's it at the right time. Until next time, stay curious, my friends.